I love you, Yoseph.

disappointment hurts but makes you stronger

well, hey folks

it's been a long long time since my last post

GUESS WHAT!!! I'm not a highschooler anymore. I've graduated (finally) *applause*

MY FEELING: happy but also sad (cliche, but it's so true)

as a college freshmen I'm supposed to be so excited about all of the stuff

the major fact is I DON'T

this is what i want to be happening

and this is reality

SAD?

oh you have no idea how the word "sad" can't describe my feeling

I'm used to get what I want..

but not for this time baby :"(

I felt like I'm just gonna break, die, or disappear

I cried *a lot* I swore *many times* I blamed *how can I be that stupid?*

another major fact i have is.......

I haven't given up just yet or I will never give up to reach my dream

I jumped then I fell but I will jump again twice higher :)

I believe in this theory

God never sleep. He will always give us credit for every single virtue we do, effort we give, and sincerity we have

so nothing is had to be worried

just BRING IT ON!!! I'm ready to suck it up and WIN THE GAME :))

an ending, a begining MEMORIES

i did never like school days, cared no rules at school, ditched school whenever i could.

screwed the teacher. the headmaster was kinda nuts for me (everyone)

i complained a lot.sighed.breathed deeply

but one thing i obviously know, i never want it to be ended

i wanna stay like this like forever. being a student. making mistakes.making friends.laughing.studying.complaining

high school makes me feel younger and more mature

it's like a miniature of life. we live but we don't have to worry about the consequences

When I was five years old, mom asked me, "Me, what do you wanna be when you're grown up?"

I said, "I wanna be a disney princess because she finally lives happily ever after"

When I was seventeen, mom asked me, "Me, do you still wanna be a princess?"

I said, "Yes, because all i have to do is just singing and waiting for a handsome-rich prince then we're married and live in the beautiful castle. as simple as that!!"

Alaska, the place where my future home will be.

We'll be staying there with every beauty and peacefulness.

I wanna grow old with you, have our kids, see your hair turning gray.

So Pak Gatot Thinks We Can Dance

March 11 2011

i'm still a twelfth grader, or today is exactly the last day of practical exam.

P. E. will be tested today. every class in my year is required to make a rhythmic gymnastic by our own self.

Everyone is excited about this, so is me. we've all practiced so hard to give the best performance ever.

and here is my class' performance (sorry i can't upload a video cause it's about a gigabytes something)

April 11 2011

WE'VE MADE THE TOP THREE!!!! yeaay :D

it was announced today when the last flag ceremony for my year was held. i'm so happy ;)

The once i envy

have you ever felt jealous? trust me, it is the worst feeling ever.

JEALOUSY drives people crazy. hmhm.

by the way, the jealousy thing i talked is not about "a girlfriend that finds out that her boy cheats on her" it's more like when someone gets something that you're expecting to get it but you never even wanna take a risk to try it.

life's complicated *sigh*

IT HAPPENED TO ME right this second. and the feeling of mine now, it sucks.

everyone deserves everything they have put the effort on and so did he.

he studied so hard and kept praying and he got all he wants

but still, the reality beat me like a drum.

some people would just go through it and forget it like there was nothing happened.

but do you ever consider the man i talked about is one of the let's say "inspiration" no, not that word, umm "motivator" still not right, or just say that he's "the reason why i can stay at school later than 12 pm"?

it actually hurts me that the one i envy because of his cleverness, smartness, and luck is also the one i wanna stay with, spend my time with, and the one i don't wanna lose.

once i want him to disappear "why can he solve the math thigy? oh for god sake, he can do the damn difficult phys test too. bio teacher gave him a chocolate for getting a good score. how can he understand the chem formula? he was just playing around. i watched him." then "ZAPP!!" he disappears.

but once I want him to go nowhere "hey, just stay here" and he goes nowhere.

This is gonna be a hard decision for him and a tough moment for me. i'm hoping all the best for both of us.

One thing i wanna say to him is : "CONGRATULATIONS!! all of your hard works have been paid off. you're the smartest guy i've ever wanted to spend my time with. i"m happy for you, i'm also very proud. Good luck in everything. may God always be with you and protect you."

One thing i wanna wishper into his ear is: "How about if you not leaving me? is that possible? but it's all your choice"